You Are Right!...and, You Are Wrong! (Part 1)

Since suddenly losing my job, my career, and my mission back in January, I’ve struggled to grasp the perspective of those who chose to put in power an administration that so brutally discredited and destroyed the work that my colleagues and I devoted our lives to building and improving over the years. I want to say that I was surprised, but I can’t. I felt it coming. The people who chose to vote for Trump in this election raised me, lived next door to me, were my friends at various points in my life. These are good, kind, generous, and loving people. Yet, they chose a path that I deeply disagree with on a personal level. My life experiences have created an understanding in me that found me easily choosing Kamala over Trump. I didn’t need to even think about it, but I knew I couldn’t talk about it with my Trump-voting family and friends because, somehow, the subject is taboo and too fraught with ego and emotion, for all of us.

The months after Trump took office felt like war to me. Words were used instead of bullets, and even though words don’t kill, they wound the heart. They create resentment, hate, and the desire for revenge as much as acts of war, and if not addressed, plant seeds for future violence. One thing I know is that war does not truly end through war…only through peace. Sometimes war can bring a temporary peace, when one side is defeated and decides to give up the fight in order to live another day. However, in this false peace, the defeated side remembers the pain of war and being conquered. Resentment, hate, and revenge fester beneath the surface. True peace comes through talking, negotiating a path toward a middle ground; and talks are only successful when all sides set aside their ego and reflect on their own contributions to the war and the validity of the other’s perspective. Ideally, all sides find a mutually agreeable way to proceed that benefits all - and, all sides may be forced to go through the painful process of letting go of treasured pieces of their vision for the future; molding a future that no one from either side was able to imagine before the compromise. 

I don’t want a future filled with resentment and war for myself or my children. And so, I know that I must follow the path of peace, starting first to understand the perspective of those with whom I deeply disagree and then trying to find common ground to build on from there. Perhaps the most difficult part of this process is reflecting on the shadows of my own perspective. I find it so easy to identify and point out the flaws in the other but the flaws in myself? Ha! Who is brave enough to take that challenge? Whose heart is fierce enough to acknowledge the ways in which they are wrong, or at the very least misinformed and unwilling to understand?

In this first part of this series, I challenge you to choose a person who you disagree with and consider their perspective. Try to embody their perspective and identify one point in which perhaps you were unfair to this person. What is one way in which they are right, or at least deserve a fair chance at being heard? How can you take a step towards meeting them in a middle space? To help you with this exercise, I’ve recorded a guided Metta or loving-kindness meditation to assist in opening your heart. Metta meditation is a Buddhist practice in which positive affirmations are directed towards oneself and others to cultivate compassion and goodwill. This meditation is also a lovely way to open the day with an attitude of acceptance and kindness towards the people we encounter throughout our day. Remember! You are right…and, you are wrong.